By Ashley Keenan

Cannabis may be a new conversation for many, but minding your manners is nothing new among OG consumers. “Puff, puff, pass” isn’t just a cute stoner mantra, it originated as a rhyme to keep people from bogarting the joint in a sesh circle.

In a post-prohibition world, cannabis has just as much a place in our society as any other activity, and with that comes a new set of social etiquettes and anxieties. Who better to help us navigate those nuances than the descendant of manners maven Emily Post herself, co-president of the Emily Post Institute and author Lizzie Post. 

Mind your (Cannabis) Manners

In her book Higher Etiquette, Lizzie Post takes the cannabis conversation out of the shadows and into polite society where it belongs. Minding your manners isn’t just about unspoken circle rules, though those are also an important part of Higher Etiquette. Etiquette can also be how-to for people who aren’t familiar with the responsibilities/requirements of being a host in a legalized world. 

“Etiquette adapts and shifts over time, people are looking for instruction as we move away from prohibition into a legal framework. It gives us a chance to get ahead of the conversation, address stigma and prepare for new social norms around consumption,” explains Post.

When you are hosting

The role of a host is to be inviting and create a fun and comfortable experience for all your guests. Non-consumers who are hosting can be burdened with anxiety about whether or not to provide/allow weed, especially if they provide alcohol for their guests. If a host is providing alcohol, are they now required to have cannabis on hand? According to Post, it can be as simple as having an open dialogue instead of letting consumption be the elephant in the room. If your home isn’t 420-friendly it is ok to say so, or even better, set up a smoking zone outside with ashtrays and comfortable seating. This way guests can are comfortable stepping outside without shame or feeling banished. 

“Rolling some pre-rolls for a party is always nice. Stay in your wheelhouse though, don’t go rolling a bunch of joints for your guests if you can’t roll joints.” - Lizzie Post

For a 420-friendly home, it is all about the open invitation - let guests know what is out for sharing, put out extra accessories, label absolutely everything, and point out designated smoking/vaping zones. Post shares that guests might not feel weird about grabbing a glass of wine but could feel apprehensive to just grab a joint - even if they are laid out at a party. “It’s as easy as a quick talk at the beginning of the night,” Post explains “I’ve placed a few strains from my harvest over here, please help yourselves. Vaping can be done indoors, smoking is on the porch only out of respect for those who aren’t consuming.” 

When you are the only one

Cannabis enthusiasts may no longer be banished to back alleys to partake, but unless you are at a weed-friendly event, or with your cannafam, chances are you still might be smoking alone. “It’s a shame that the smell bothers so many people, it would be lovely to enjoy a joint while other friends are drinking wine.” shares Post, “I usually just say that I prefer weed to wine, would you mind if I bring my own joints? I am happy to excuse myself outside’. This way you aren’t adding any stress to the host on the day of the event.” 

The refreshing thing is that excusing yourself to enjoy a puff doesn’t have to be a big deal as long as everyone is respectful. Post suggests pushing past any shame or self-deprecation and simply minding your manners by observing common courtesy. Make sure to time your trips outside to coincide with the flow of the evenings, for example most people enjoy a puff before a meal. If this is the case, make sure to time it so that you have returned before everyone sits to eat. Don’t be that person delaying the meal because no one can find you! 

Open dialogue is the key

Frankly, even the fact that the Emily Post Institute would publish a book about weed etiquette has done wonders for smashing stigma. The main way to challenge these assumptions of what it’s like to ‘smoke weed like a lady’ is to have an open and honest conversation about our relationship to the plant, in whatever form that may take. 

“It can be frustrating when someone says ‘oh common you don’t smoke pot’ like there is an obvious ‘type’,” Post shares, “I like to smash stigma by openly talking about, and engaging with, the plant; it is a source of pride for me. When we are open and honest about our consumption we challenge the misconception that there is only one way to be someone who enjoys cannabis”

The most illuminating part of our exclusive Her(B) Life interview with Post’s great-great-grand-daughter is simply this - cannabis doesn’t have to be a big deal. We don’t have to form an identity around enjoying weed - unless you want to! While Post and I make it our job to talk about weed, that doesn’t have to be the case to have a relationship with the plant, or at least know someone who does. You don’t have to be an activist, patient, or even a consumer, to observe common cannabis courtesies or take part in the conversation.